Passionate Detachment: A Paradox Worth Practicing

This paradoxical idea of “passionate detachment” was introduced to me years ago in my readings of Carlson’s “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”. I call it paradoxical because I had been raised to understand that being passionate required being overwrought and stressed out as a sign of caring. I am so glad to be rescued from this approach. With time and consistent practice at cultivating this approach, I have learned to be driven with less (dis)stress, and to be committed without being bound or feeling put upon.

In a nutshell, passionate detachment is an approach to life, indeed work, which focuses on “right execution” of the process more than the outcome. One learns to enjoy the journey confident that the journey, pursued with the right spirit, will get us to the right destination, even when that destination is different than what we had originally envisioned at the outset.

I find that in this “state of grace”, I have more energy for coming up with creative solutions as less of it is tied up in negative emotions and speculations. I find that even when I do not get the outcome I envisioned (which is never guaranteed), I am more aware of the learnings the experience yields and I can take solace in a process well executed. Either outcome, these learnings make for continuous improvement and self-development, less of a negative emotional, psychological and relational toll on myself and those I lead.

The Price is Not Too High, The Value is Too Low: Part 2

Recently I have been reviewing this post I wrote in September 2009 as I am working on 2011 business plans where I work, and wanted to further elaborate on this topic, at the encouragement of my boss. :-)

In these austere times, "no price too high, but value too low" this mantra is all the more critical as everyone is crying "low and lower price" while not really asking enough about "what is the value?". This lack of asking makes it all the more critical that we who are seeking funding & resources be better than ever at articulating the value we will deliver. I had a great discussion with my boss about this matter and he challenged me about a few things that stick with me:

1. Lead with the deliverables, not the resource request. So often we are preoccupied with what we need to get a job done (the resources) and neglect to clearly define and articulate the outcome we will create (the deliverables). We fail to understand that the investor is most interested in the outcome. For success, we have to learn to think as much like the investor as like the performer who converts resources into outcomes. As we transform our thinking in this way we will improve our proposals with better linkages between deliverables and resources, and as a result, improve the "hit" rate on our requests, whether it be for budgets, jobs, relationships, etc..

2. Focus on value-added activities & drop the non-value-added "busywork". So often we get caught up in the "urgent and efficient" elements of our to-do lists to the neglect of the "important and effective" elements of the same lists. In reflecting on this admonishment, I have to remember the 80/20 rule; that 20 percent of our effort gets us 80 percent of our outcome. Where we invest effort has a lot to do with the outcome we get, for better and or worse. If we are neglecting the investment of that 20 percent in important and effective effort, our outcomes will suffer. Another element of this dilemma is that those things that are most important and effective, are also most challenging to us and thus invite procrastination (see my earlier post on this topic). This tendency toward the urgent & efficient, and avoidance of the challenging is something to watch and to be disciplined against in order to deliver the value that warrants the higher price we all like to charge.

Laying Bricks or Building Cathedrals: Which are you doing at work?

One of my favorite parables is that of the brick layer and the cathedral builder. Its a popular tale told in many places. In summary, it relates the tale of man who when walking past a construction site asked the builders what they were doing. One said, he was laying bricks, a second said he was feeding his family and a third said he was building a cathedral to the glory of God.

What is poignant about this story is the different attitudes that each builder brought to the same task. This difference in attitude is one we see everyday, and which we hopefully check on and struggle with regularly. In our work, we all are laying bricks (of sorts) but do we only see our work as laying bricks, or only as providing for our families, or do we see it as something larger which is achieving an important end for the glory of God and the good of the society? If not, we should search and embrace that deeper meaning and purpose that is available in any work if we search it out and embrace it.

On my toughest and most frustrating days at work, I find that reconnecting to the cathedrals I am building, restores and encourages me to recuperate and recommit. I further find that as I am now firmly in the second half of my life, and everyday reminds me of my inevitable end, it is all the more critical that I spend my life energy on cathedrals and not brick walls. To this end, I inventory my activities frequently and seek to shed those which are only brick walls (to me) so that I can put more of my energy into those cathedrals I want to leave the world with.

May we all take time today, and frequently in the future, to identify the cathedrals we are building in our work, and to avoid those endeavors that are only brick walls.

Blessed building. :-)

Topical Twittering: My Alternate, & More Valuable, Approach to Twitter

As many of you know, I have been a productive user and advocate of Twitter for quite a while now. I find Twitter invaluable as a teaching, research and networking tool. I have always used it more for professional, than for personal uses.

Initially, I approached Twitter by following individuals I knew or who were followed by people I followed. I have to say, though, that over time I have evolved towards following topics using twitter keyword search and hashtags. This approach allows me to avoid the clutter of irrelevant tweets of those I follow and to isolate those relevant tweets related to my personal and professional interests. For instance, I have saved searches for storytelling, taoism, knowledge management (#km), mindfulness (#mindful), etc., and whenever anyone on Twitter (whether I follow them or not) tweets using these words or hastags, I pick it up. I further follow hashtags of conferences and educational events of interest, i.e., #fdasm, #health2con, etc., as these allow me to gain perspectives & ask questions of conference attendees & interesteds before, during and after the event.

This topical approach has allowed me to get more out of every minute I invest in Twitter, as well as to build a more relevant network of tweeters with common interests. I would not have met these relevant tweeters just by following those who follow who I follow. (Say that 10 times.) I find that I rarely look at my general timeline anymore as I focus my Twitter time on my search & hashtag feeds.

Yes, I know I am missing the serendipitous aspects of Twitter which occurs when I read random Tweets by those I follow. The fact is that this is still available to me, as I have not unfollowed those I follow. My follows and my searched feeds, allow me to have the best of both worlds when I choose to have either or both. Ah, I love Twitter! The world's "stream of consciousness" at my fingertips!

PS - Additionally, I recommend Tweetdeck for laptop and iPhone, as the best way to organize and track your relevant Twitter feeds. I also recommend you use relevant hashtags in your tweets to assure they get picked up by those who care the most about the topic you are tweeting about.

Beware of doing what makes for success even when it no longer does.

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The Questions We Ask: Keys to our Greater Contribution & Relevance

We live in such an answer-oriented culture that we forget the value of our questions and how they can contribute to our contribution and our relevance, not to mention our development and the success of our endeavors. I learned once from a mentor that the chief indicator of the quality of consultants is often the quality of the questions they ask. The questions reveal the level of experience and wisdom of the one who poses the question. It elevates the potential and quality of the project. It expands the scope and bounds of our, and the team's, thinking and action.

I have learned, over time, that in situations where innovation is critical, where new unprecedented paths are being created, new questions are more critical to success than old answers, and that new questions yield better and more relevant answers and results.

Often we find in our work that we have stakeholders who do not, or no longer, value our contribution. Rather than fretting or being resentful, we should take time to examine the relevance of the questions we are bringing to the party in the interest of that stakeholder.

Sometimes we do not know new questions to ask, suggesting we have become stagnant and have stopped developing ourselves, and are then unable to develop those around us. We are trapped in a box we need to take time to break out of. Here is where the practice of Covey's 7th Habit of "Sharpening the Saw" is in order. If you find yourself in this state, I encourage you to cultivate new relevant questions via:

1. Broader and different exposures to new ways of thinking and perceiving. Social media is a huge opportunity aiding this exposure, for its potential to facilitate talking with/reading/watching/listening to diverse and relevant collaborators and colleagues. Being active in relevant professional associations also assists this exposure.

2. Gaining deeper insight into your stakeholders interest. Story listening and ongoing direct questioning aids this. People love to talk about and tell stories about their interests and problems. Be available to actively listen with an ear to uncovering needs you have the resources to meet.

3. Correlate your exposures to your stakeholder's interests to pose questions that add value, even when sometimes, you do not have the answers.

4. Persistent in co-creating answers to new questions with stakeholders. The newer and more radical the question, the more initial resistance and opposition you should expect. It is only a test to be passed. Pass it.

As you practice these steps you will find that you grow, as well as your stakeholders, as well as your value proposition.

How Death Impacts My Work

So I just learned yesterday that my grandmother, Grace Brown (1925-2009) passed away. Rest her soul. Such news sends me into reflection about death, and the legacy of the deceased as well as the one I am creating. It occurs to me that the preponderance of the legacy we leave when we pass is rooted in the work we do while we are here. In this I mean not only "what" work we do, but also "how" we work, where the "how" far outweighs the "what" in importance.


I know that as I have crossed into my 40s I think more than ever about death and legacy and "how" I work is becoming relatively more important to me than "what" work I do. It's occurred to me that after 25 years of adult work, the basic tasks of work will not differ much for the rest of my life, but more largely the context and the character of my work.

Because I will not be able to work or, for that matter, live forever, I pay more attention to both. While death is a tragic thing, at least for those of us left to witness it, its sober and courageous contemplation can enrich and lend much purpose to life (and work) as few things are valued that are taken for granted as permanent, whether that is a job or a life.


Having witnessed the passing of another dear life, whose work, by the way, will be sorely missed, I take away the following insights:


1. I should work everyday as though it is were my last and bring every appropriate and relevant energy, grace, skill and authenticity to every task and interaction I encounter.

2. I should keep a perspective of "passionate detachment", especially when work becomes difficult and frustrating, knowing that everything I am accomplishing, or not, is temporary in occurrence. None of it will last forever either way, and thus I should not be too proud when successful, or too distraught when unsuccessful.

3. I should work for outcomes I truly care about in the world, that go beyond paying my bills, as work, paid or non-paid, is the primary tool we are given for making our mark on the world. Let's assure that mark is the one we intend to make.

4. I should work (and I mentioned this earlier in my posts, Honoring my (Working) Mothers on Mother's Day and What Africa Has Done For My Work.) to honor those who have taught me, through instruction and modeling, to work from my earliest youth to now.


Certainly Grace Brown, my grandmother, left her mark on me in this way. From toddlerhood, when I first detected her loving existence, to last Spring, when I last saw her, I recall her as a diligent woman, always applying her energy to some task related to the care and comfort of our family. It is to this recollection that I dedicate this post and my life of work. I am so glad that she got to see the results of her hard work in my own work and life and that I got to express my appreciation for her love and example to me.


So as we sit today preparing to reenter our work worlds on tomorrow, or maybe you did not even get to escape this weekend (I know I did not), take time to courageously reflect on death and let that reflection enrich how you go about your work as it is truly the stuff of our legacy. :-)