Musings on Our Daily Bread

The Lord's Prayer, a popular passage of the Bible, asks that we be daily given our "daily bread". In my morning meditations today, I considered the question of what is my "daily bread". I have, since childhood when I first learned this prayer, always though of it in purely material terms; food, shelter, clothing, etc.. This morning it occurred to me that my "daily bread" is more those physical, spiritual and relational gifts that are provided that allow me to get my daily bread, as well as to enable and provide other's daily bread. This realization then led to the question of how well I use my "daily bread" to get, enable and provide daily bread. Hmmm.

Further consideration pressed me to inventory all the skills, relationships, knowledge, and wisdom I have to leverage, and all the needs, problems, dilemmas and evils in the world I can leverage my "daily bread" inventory on, in exchange for my "daily bread".

So often, we have enough "daily bread" but 1) we discount what it is, 2) we don't know who most wants to buy it, 3) we are unskilled in how to sell it, and 4) we can be lazy about continually improve it. I am convinced that we if we were more aware and skilled on all these points, our self-esteem, value to others, sense of purpose and meaning, and ability to provide for ourselves and others would improve, and not just materially either.

May we become better at using and offering the "daily bread" that we are all daily provided.

Waiting (Well) At Work (& Elsewhere) For What We Want

The last 2 years has put me through a difficult and edifying exercise in patience that has left me, well, more patient. I want to share it with you here as well as the list of lessons I learned in hope it will be helpful to you in your own trials of patience at work, as well as in other areas of your life.

In brief, I had a situation at my job where I deserved a promotion based on my performance relative to the requirements of my position, and I had been repeatedly passed over. Some of the reasons for this were known and others not but that is less the point than that at the end of the day, I was not promoted because, I believe, my maturity was more important than a promotion.

Its difficult to bear with not getting something you know you deserve. It hurt my ego, and in this case, my pocket. It was embarrassing on some levels (said my ego which is is embarrassed whenever its expectations are not met on its timetable). It was unfair on other levels (said my ego which is far from omniscient). I believe (and especially in retrospect) it is what was ordained for me though.

During this time of waiting, I persisted in working to understand why the promotion was delayed and doing those things required to obtain it. I was angry, and tempted to a poor attitude, but I was continually reminded by Psalms 75.6-7 that promotion comes not from the east or the west but from the Lord, by Jer. 29.11, that God knows the good plans He has for me, by Galatians 5.22-23 that the Fruit of the Spirit is patience and self-control (temperance), and by Romans 8.28 that all things work together for good. I am happy to say that recently my patience was rewarded with a promotion, and more importantly with the lessons below. Trust me when I tell you that the lessons are far more valuable than the promotion, though the promotion is not bad.

Lesson #1: God promotes, not our management (Psalms 75.6-7). I was angry with my management but was continually reminded that if there was anyone to be angry with it was God and that I should avoid the habit of being angry with people for situations that are ultimately out of their control but rather follow through with passionate detachment to do what I had been hired to do.

Lesson #2: Look to make longer term spiritual gains, when taking short term ego & material losses. In this case, I have gotten a result of a promotion but also another degree of spiritual maturity. In the short term, I lost money, but gained temperance, patience, perspective and a renewed confidence in God's plans for me.

Lesson #3: Align your story with God’s. Our wishes are not God’s command. So often we are frustrated by the story we tell ourselves about what we see of our situations. We forget that the story we tell is optional, either positive or negative, and that we never see the whole story. Sometimes waiting saves us from unseen grief and unwanted situations we cannot foresee. I found that telling myself a story of God’s benevolence and protection, rather than neglect and unfairness, helped during my wait. If we believe God loves us, we have to then work at telling loving stories to ourselves and others. We have to align our stories with God’s Word and not with our ego.

Lesson #4: Longer waits yield greater appreciation and maturity. Enough said.

Lesson #5: Behaving wisely while waiting provides advantage. Such wise behavior is credited to David in 1 Samuel 18.14 and a good model for us to study and imitate. When David was not getting what he wanted from Saul, he conducted himself in a manner which maintained goodwill and which God use to turn the king’s heart his way (Proverbs 21.1). We create the same effect when we do the same. Doing this yielded the result I wanted and an improved relationship with my management, I am happy to say.

Lesson #6: Make good with what we have versus what we desire. Luke 16.10-12 says that if we cannot handle a little, how will we handle a lot. So often we desire more money, status, titles, responsibility, etc., but are not handling what we have as well and gratefully as we could. I believe that waiting, challenges us to make better use of what we already have. In these cases, it is good to take stock of what we have, being more grateful for it, and making the most of it.

When in the midst of waiting these lessons were not apparent to me. It is mostly after the fact that they have occurred to me. I hope they are helpful to you in whatever situation you are waiting, whether at work, at home, in some relationship or otherwise.

Do You Know What (Control) Dramas You Are Starring In?

Control Dramas is a great concept I picked up in my reading of Redfield's "Celestine Prophecy". While it has its detractors, the idea of control dramas has helped me engage in better constructive conflict, at work and elsewhere. Fundamentally, and I paraphrase, control dramas are ways we learn to gain energy (and good feeling, at least temporarily) in our interactions with each other. Redfield identifies four control dramas we engage in:

1. interrogation which manifests as judging
2. aloofness which manifests as being withdrawn and enticing people to draw us out
3. pitifulness (a.k.a. "poor me") which manifests as guilt-inflicting self-pity and even helplessness
4. intimidation which manifests as being threatening.

We know all these dramas in ourselves and others. We know how they are used to be influential, gain control, and to manipulate situations and others. We all have our favorites which work for us. We are skilled at our favorite control dramas' use, and often unconsciously. Those around us know our pet dramas also, for better or worse. Same as we have our favorite dramas, we are susceptible to certain styles which particularly push our buttons, and manipulate us into emotions and actions we regret and are often embittered about.

Control dramas have their usefulness when used consciously from a position of strength, competence and good will. They also do much damage to ourselves and our relationships when used unconsciously, without warning and for selfish ends. We unconsciously engage in these dramas and then wonder about the suboptimal quality of our relationships. Control dramas are not evil in and of themselves. One can use their dramas to be quite effective.

I am prone to interrogation (judging) and have damaged many of the relationships in my life being this way. This is a blind spot for me that I have fortunately gotten feedback on and work to moderate, hard as that is. More and more I work to consciously warn others about my interrogative tendency and ask for their cooperation and patience. I witness that with this communication more, not all of my relationships are better preserved because of the transparency of acknowledging my tendency. Such acknowledgement also puts me on notice to be present, to breathe, and to curb my own drama.

Another drama I can slip into is "poor me", when I am tired, feeling unappreciated and feeling treated unfairly. With mindfulness, I have gotten better at catching myself in this drama and pulling myself out of it. I also have a number of mental, physical and relational practices I use to recuperate from these type dramas. Its hard practice but it improves with practice.

When I practice being interrogative and pitiful, I improve that. When I bring a better intention to my interrogating, converting it to genuine & patient curiosity, and shun pitifulness for a possibilistic, proactive approach to life's uneven treatment of me, I improve that. Its all about what you practice.

May we all become more familiar with our control dramas, the effect they have and master them to serve and love versus self-serve and control. After all, I must master my drama and not let my drama master me, eh? :-)

Be "Unclear but Learning", But Not "Confused", Even If You Are.

Words create worlds. The same way that God created the world by His words, we do the same. It is that image of God in us. Taking this to heart, I have lately vowed to eliminate the word "confused" from my vocabulary in favor of "unclear" and "learning". I find the former stressful, disempowering and disheartening, and the latter at worst resilient & hopeful, and at best calming & empowering.

The fact is that I work in, and with, many truly "confusing" scenarios that take a lot of energy, concentration, patience and collaboration to resolve. In these scenarios, I need to conserve every ounce of energy and resource I have to get the outcomes I am shooting for. When I take a stance of being "unclear" or "learning", I create a world that will be cleared up with persistent patience, and that will yield learnings that will have benefit going forward. These words settle me down and refocus me on the task at hand leaving more energy for resolution with less lost on tantrums, woe-is-me-ing, and fretting.

This "unclear but learning" space is very different from a world where I am confused. Some might say this is frivolous wordplay but I challenge you to trade these words in your internal and external talk. You will be more energized and so will those you collaborate with.

Write to tell me about it when it happens to you.

My Day At TEDxPhilly!!!

Fab day at TEDx Philly! Well worth investment. Excellent speakers and topics! Philadelphia's Kimmel Center, a perfect setting! So inspiring, so emotionally moving, so intellectually challenging, such a great chance to network with kindred souls, ideophiles and world-changers, actual and aspiring!

My favorite speakers (http://tedxphilly.com/speakers) were:

Chris Lehman talking about schools training for life and citizenship more than just for work. (http://www.scienceleadership.org/)

Simon Hauger talking about project based education and students who innovate better than corporations and major universities and his desire to buildwww.workshopschool.org

Jay Coen Gilbert talking about B Corps (Beneficial Corporations) as distinct from C or S Corps (http://www.bcorporation.net/)

Nic Esposito talking about Urban Farming, Food Security and local Economic Viability (http://phillyrooted.org/)

Stanford Hamilton talking about links between music education and life achievement and moving me to near weeping tears with a live performance of his Philly Youth Orchestra (http://www.stanfordthompson.com/heart.html)

Key next steps are:

1. Lobby my local legislator about B-Corporation legislation.

2. Make time to educate underskilled, underemployed people I know about Urban Farming as an educational and economic opportunity

3. Make time to restart my piano lessons to I can be a jazz pianist by 55.

4. Find a way to support project-based education as a sponsor, coach, mentor, etc.

Key takeaways were:

1. You have to remember that you are an artist - Aptowicz. Budget, time, money and energy for this.

2. The world is no place for rest but for effort - Mutter

3. Nothing is denied well directed labor - Mutter

4. Schools should teach how to learn, live and to be citizens, not just how to work. - Lehman

5. Lehman's points: 1) ask questions, 2) seek answers, 3) build real stuff, 4) share and 5) change the world

6. Presently, humans are the most environmentally just and humane we have been in the history of the world (paraphrase) - Nic Esposito

7. We need to move from owning means of production to owning means of existence - Nic Esposito

8. We are moving from 20th century shareholder capitalism to 21st century stakeholder capitalism - JC Gilbert

9. We must harness the power of business for the purpose of civil society - JC Gilbert

10. We must bridge the curiosity gap in children, (and ourselves) - Stanford Thompson

11. You cannot teach critical thinking without critical conditions - Azeem Hill, W. Philly student & X Prize Competitor

12. New term of the day - "data exhaust". We all have it.

13. Our innovation birthright can reverse itself and become someone else's. (paraphrased) - Evan Malone

14. Hackerspace is the recreation of the future. - Evan Malone

It was certainly a productive day indeed! And one more bucket list item is marked off. :-D

Wrestling with Angels To Get Our Blessings, New Names (& Limps)

Most of my life one of my favorite stories have been that of Jacob's wrestling match with the Angel (from the Christian Bible). For those unfamiliar, the long story short is that Jacob was up one night preparing to save his family from his brother, Esau, who he believed was going to kill him. After his preparations were done, and while Jacob was alone, a man, some say an Angel, others God Himself, picked a fight with him. They fought all night and we know Jacob gave Him a run for His money because He could not get out of a hold Jacob had him in, even after knocking Jacob's hip out of joint. The ensuing negotiation, where Jacob stated famously, "I will not let you go until you bless me" resulted in Jacob getting a new name (Israel, because he successfuly overcame his struggles with man and God), a blessing, and a limp from that dislocated hip.

The connection between this story and my own life hit me like a bolt of lightning this morning during my devotions as I pondered how well am I wrestling with Angels in my life?. Isn't life, work and family, a continuous wrestle with man (and yes, God, though we often do not see it that way) to gain a blessing, spiritual and otherwise? The problem is that we too often do not see it that way.

How often, when attacked like Jacob, do we not wrestle well and hold on to the situation until we get the blessing the situation holds for us? How often do we let opportunity go in our impatience and impersistence, and by doing so lose our blessing and our new name?

We have all sorts of wounds and limps from these wrestling matches but do we have have the blessings which should go along with those limps? Do we have the blessing but simply have not acknowledged it? Hmmm.

Take stock (with pride, though not hubris) of the limps and the blessings you have received in your wrestles with man and God in the context of your work. Take this story and its lessons into those present and future situations where you will have to wrestle with Angels and make sure you hold on until you receive your blessing, your new name, and yes, your new limp.

Wrestle well with your Angels today!!!

Since Work is Long, also Make it Meaningful!

So it would seem that our work hours are not going to get any shorter either at work or elsewhere. Some would say, taking a longer historic perspective, that they are in fact shorter than they used to be. That's not making us feel better though. Let's face it, life is work.

So since we cannot shorten our work hours, I submit we should focus on transforming the quality of the work we do in those hours. This is in our control even if the other is not. We have so many opportunities to do this every moment. We can do it in the attention to detail and the crafts(person)ship we bring to our tasks, in the compassion and empathy we bring to our work relationships, in the the celebration of good result, and the gathering of learnings from unexpected results. The point is that with proper attention, compassion, empathy, celebration and learning, we can significantly raise the quality of our many work ours. Since this is our life (literally), why not live as high quality a work life as possible. This does not come natural but can be learned with patient, persistent practice, and to our benefit and all those around us.

Bring this greater quality to our long work hours requires:

1. slowing down our attention, if not our pace

2. being passionately detached and you can read more about this at my blog post on this topic

3. being deliberate in "starting with the end in mind" and being mindful to celebrate when that end is reached

4. valuing effectiveness in our work at least as much as efficiency.

As you take these steps, take time to reflect on the meaning your work is making in terms of your ability to:

1. provide and model for your family

2. improve the lives and wellbeing of your customers

3. develop your own character, reputation and skills.

Good "quality & meaning making" to you!