Lessons from "The Trip to Nowhere"!

This past Christmas my wife and I finally got around to striking another item off our "someday maybe" list by taking the vaunted "Trip to Nowhere". 

The Trip to Nowhere: The Game:

To topline it, this endeavor involved getting up the morning after Christmas, packing (overnight) bags, donning layers (against the winter cold) and going to the airport with no clue of where we were going. Once there, we use an iPad app, Airport Zoom to randomly pick 6 cities, Roulette style, we would target for a one week vacation. The city to which we could get the first affordable ticket is the one we would go to regardless of location, climate, interest or attractions.The point is that we would be together on an adventure. The fun is that we would not know from moment to moment what we would need to wear (we resolved to shopping for any needs we detected upon arrival), where we would sleep (we booked rooms the afternoon of most days), where we would eat (we scanned Yelp's "Best Breakfasts" list every AM after checking the weather), etc. As you can see, based on one's perspective, this can be seen as a lot of fun or a lot of di-stress.

We ended up in Los Angeles (Santa, Monica, Santa Barbara and West Hollywood) for 5 days having the most fun and, at times avoiding the biggest arguments, of our lives. On this trip, I learned a number of things anew that I work to practice as I realize that really if we are perfectly honest and conscious, every moment is potentially a "trip to no where" as joy and tragedy are always simultaneously at the doorstep. 

Lessons from the Trip:

So here is what I learned:

See the Unplanned as Fun!: The unplanned nature of this trip is what made it an adventure. It was a good break for hyper planners like my wife and I. We learned that the thin line between fun and di-stress is how you look at it and what you call it. The body experiences the same emotions either way. The common element in any fun to di-stressful situation is SURPRISE! I have decided to practice seeing surprise more often as fun than as something to be distressed about.

See the Partnership Potential in Conflict.: The nature of the cosmos is conflict and this nature can be particularly painful in relationships, and even more so in unplanned contexts, like a Trip To Nowhere. We were continually tempted on this trip to tip into tiffs over complications caused by the fact that it was all unplanned. We had to continually submit to the better temptation of remembering that we were partners on an adventure, and in that see how partnering resulted in more creative solutions and meaningful outcomes that would have been missed if we had succumbed to an adversarial stance. I have decided to bring this set of eyes and ears to every conflict in my life. I am sure my glasses and hearing aid will fail me sometimes but even a less than perfect execution of this lesson will result in a greater number of excellent results than otherwise.  

Be  Open To Options & Shape It As You Go With It.: You can imagine how: 1) sitting in an airport during one of the busiest travel periods of the year with no reservation and no option to return home (that was one of the impromptu rules of the game) and hoping you can find 2 seats on a flight to a randomly selected city, or 2) sitting on a beach in a rental car in Santa Barbara (which we found out is a top LA Metro holiday vacation location) discovering that all the hotel rooms in town are gone, can be interesting. I learned though that by staying alert in the moment with a relaxed focus and avoiding "horribilizing", we were able to see options that we would normally have missed, to get cooperation from people who normally would not have  cooperated and to: 1) enjoy those circumstances that were other than what we have hoped and 2) better influence and shape those circumstances that came closer to what we had hoped versus not. This practice of openness and shaping were newly "a-ha'd" for me and my practice is renewed as I see that even not getting what you want can be enjoyable, and you can get what you desire more often when you stay open to shaping what arises in the moment.

Do It While You Can.: While on and after this trip, my wife and I realized that there would never be an ideal time to take such a trip, and we felt extremely blessed that we were willing to make the time, courage and means to do so. This is true of so much in life. There is most always a reason not to and more often we need to make the reasons to do it while we can. The news teaches us daily that there is no guarantee that we will get to do it later. So as the Charle Parker composition instructs us, "Now Is The Time".   

Pack Lean & Plan for Every Climate.: So one of the peculiarities of this sort of trip is that you do not know where you are going to end up as you must go where the available airline ticket leads. We did not know if we were going to end up in Alaska or Jamaica. We packed light, with overnight bags, and wore layers so we could shed for the Caribbean, or bulk up for the Arctic. This seemed to me to be a metaphor for life itself. As I mature, what I have accumulated materially and otherwise feels heavier and heavier. While one cannot make it in the world with no luggage, I am cognizant of the need to be more choiceful about what I keep in my luggage and the size of my bag. I also have to be ready for the most frigid and balmiest of situations, using them to  cultivate the confidence to know I can shed or get what's needed in any situation that arises.   

So there you have it, one of the most adventurous and instructive vacations of my life. Though apprehensive, I am glad I followed the lead of my lovely bride who tookk me into and through it. 

Responsiveness is Better than Perfection

The last few years this mantra has come to be a signature one in my working with individuals and teams. Many of us are groomed to achieve perfection, and many of us have made good lives for ourselves striving for this illusion. The illusion is fine, I suppose, if you can do so productively. What I see though, is that most do not chase this illusion too productively. Or maybe a better way of saying it is that most could be more productive if the toxic energy of self-condemnation resulting from a lack of perfection, were converted to the energy of self-encouragement, compassion and persistence resulting from a spirit of responsiveness. 

I see responsiveness as a good alternative to perfection for a few reasons:

1) Its Achievable as responsiveness to ever changing requirements, environments and situations is achievable whereas perfection is not and especially given its subjective nature.

2) Its Adaptive as responsiveness does not presume the achievement of perfection but instead continually adapts to new requirements of change to achieve the best productive goal from moment to moment. 

3) Its Positive as responsiveness consistently sets up an open, alert, hopeful, generally positive outlook regarding the next steps. This is energy is light, fluid, fun, more prone to hatching the next creative solution versus the relatively heavier, condemnatory, often stagnant and guilty energy that comes with an expectation of perfection.

Now for those of us who are addicted to the requirement of perfection, take a read at my WiseWorking post, "The Perfect is The Enemy of the Good". I think it important that we understand that giving up perfection does not mean that we cannot be excellent. I even submit that we can be more excellent if we strive for less perfection, and truth be told, the world does excellently  with more excellence than with any perfection.

Workshop Slides: Social Media for Professional Use

Here is a link to slides from a workshop, "Social Media for Professional Use", I developed and delivered recently. I developed this workshop for those who avoid social media because they only think of it as a personal hazard and waste of time and fail to use it for all the benefits it can bring to their careers and education.

Enjoy and I hope this is helpful to you. I am interested in your thoughts on this topic and please do share with friends and colleagues.

Silent Retreats: Taking a vacation to your Self

Imagine. 

Imagine committing yourself to 3 days, or even 1 for that matter, where you exist in silence. 

You do not speak. (You might even hang a sign around your neck like I do noting you are "observing silence".) 

You do not check the media. 

You restrict your sensory input to things natural and developmental at the spiritual, psychological, emotional, physical, self-relational and non-commercial levels of life. 

You restrict your activities to sitting, meditating, walking (preferably in nature), contemplating, exercise and reading or listening of a spiritually self-developmental nature. 

This is my own version of a silent retreat and I do them at a retreat center or at home.

On a whim I did a 2.5 day silent retreat at Pendle Hill, the Quaker Retreat Center in Swarthmore, PA, USA last year and to great benefit. I am doing another this year as part of my late summer vacation. 

Contemplating these retreats are painful (for my ego) owing to the privation of my regular ego-sustaining activities related to work, social relations, the media, etc.. That said, my soul loves them as its normally neglected “Small Voice” gets to be center stage for a while. I call these retreats "vacations to my Self" because they induce, after about a day of ego craving (akin to going cold turkey), a certain monastic state where I feel myself going “internal”, “dropping down”, re-attuning (some would say re-atoning, or re-at-One-ing, get it!) and reconnecting with my self and my Self. In this space, I experience healing (from the cuts and bruises of being in the world), connection (to the Essential Wisdom that it takes to be better when I reenter the world) and rest (that I so need and have neglected on a daily basis when I was in the world).

All during this time, the ego fights to assert itself telling me that the world may end if I come away from the news, email, the internet, conversations with family, friends and colleagues, etc.. I am amazed at the degree I believe this and I admit, as I am human, that I do let those most important to me know I am reachable once a day via SMS and I do check once for about 5 minutes in the evenings. And yes, I set a timer to assure its only 5 minutes. :-) One must remember that the Sabbath is for me, not me for the Sabbath. That allowed, those who know me know that I should have dropped dead from being away from my internet connection and SMS the 23 hours and 55 minutes between those checks but alas I survive, even thrive, after a day or so. I can tell you that one of the great benefits of such a retreat is reconnecting to the premise that while the world may want me, it does not need me. This humbling premise is good for health and perspective.

I intend to continue to engage these retreats multiple times a year and for greater lengths of time over time. I recommend them and would love to chat about your own intention and experience in this area if you care to share. You know where to reach me at craig@wiseworking.com.

PS - Here is my delicious book mark list on this topic if you want to read more: http://delicious.com/cadelarge/silent_retreats.

Mini Book Clubs: Subject Matter Expert Speed Dating?!

I recently experienced an efficient and productive encounter at the request of a good colleague, Madelyn Blair of Pelerei. On a periodic basis she summons 3 colleagues to a half hour-ish book club where we each take 5 minutes to discuss the key takeaways of a book we've recently read and then the group spends 5 minutes asking a few questions and engaging in a mini discussion about the book discussed. The books are typically related to a topic relevant to the group like say storytelling, knowledge management or creativity. 

At first I thought this format wouldn't be useful due to its brevity but I have to say I found it refreshing in its brevity. We got on the teleconference, got to it with little rambling, pontificating or editorializing (which can be the drawback of longer book club formats), made our points, asked our questions, received our benefit and bid ourselves adieu until next time. It was also a great way to meet new interesteds in disciplinary areas of interest and without consuming too much time. It struck me as a form of speed dating with subject matter experts. ☺

This mini book club approach is quite interesting and I look forward to doing this regularly and encourage you to explore the same for yourselves. 

4 Insights for Success: Miami International University Commencement Address 2012

Miami International University of Art & Design Commencement Address given by Craig DeLarge at the James L. Knight Center, Hyatt Regency, Downtown Miami, Miami, FL, June 13, 2012


Greetings administrators, professors, parents, and more importantly graduates of the Miami International University (MIU) Class of 2012. 


I am so honored to address you this momentous day when we celebrate not only the completion of your requirements for your respective degree, whether it be an Associate degree, Bachelor degree or Masters degree, but also the commencement, or beginning, as the word denotes, of your contribution to the society and the world, as creatives, artists, designers, innovators, managers, and leaders. 

I am also honored to be here at MIU as it is so exciting to see the work you are all doing here, on one hand, to advance both the theory and practice of the creative arts, and on another to set a new accredited standard in this region for practical creative education and practice. 

I also salute those to have supported these students to this point in their careers be they parents, other family members or friends for truly this achievement of your loved one is yours also as this achievement is a return on your investment of love, encouragement, time and money also. 

I want to now share a few insights with you I know to be true, at least based on my experience and what I have seen of the experience of others in my life, professionally and otherwise to help you on your way. I also understand that your President Fleming shared similar advice at your New Student Orientation and it seemed to have worked to get you here so a reminder will allow you to begin the rest of your career as successfully as you are ending this time at MIU. 

They are to: 1) patiently & persistently follow your bliss, 2) engage your life and career with a sense of Passionate Detachment, 3) live your your life’s Mission, and 4) remember that while you can make it, you cannot make it alone, you must be part of a Community to succeed.

1. Now for the first point. Patiently & Persisently follow your bliss. Joseph Campbell, the great authority on myth and story, who teach about the importance of seeing our lives as The Hero’s Journey, implores us all to “Follow Our Bliss”.

I especially admire all you who have completed this course of study as one who started college as a design major and then switched for fear that I would not be good enough. It so heartens me to see the courage in you that I did not find in myself for in this you are already following your bliss. I also again applaud you family members and friends who are supporting your loved one in their bliss as more of us can take a lesson from you.
Leaving this place and going forward into your respective careers, I encourage this class to use the patience, persistence and courage you have exhibited so far as a continued lever to carry yourself forward into a blissful career and vocation as creatives. Patiently persist to sharpen your skill, experience, reputation and community.  

Remember that patience gets all things done, and persistence wins. Expect challenge and opposition and use them as weights that build the muscle of character, spirit, knowledge, expertise and relationship. Resist the temptation to use them as excuses to become burdened, held up, embittered and demoralized. Even what you have achieved today, though you may have felt impatient and discouraged at times along the way, is the result of patient persistence as so many others have talked about doing what you have done but you have DONE it. Savor this knowing that as you have accomplished this you are capable of accomplishing many other things you want in your lives and careers.

2. The second point I want to share with you is that of engaging your life and career with a sense of Passionate Detachment. In his book, Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff, Dr. Richard Carlson talks about the practice of passionate detachment. In a nutshell, passionate detachment is an approach to life work, which focuses on “right execution” of process more than the outcome. In this “state of grace” we learn to enjoy the journey confident that the journey, pursued with the right spirit, will get us to the right destination, even when that destination is different than what we had originally envisioned.

I encourage you today to learn, if you have not already, to love the process, and trust the outcome. Life is such that one can hardly guarantee many outcomes no matter the effort invested, but one can guarantee the quality of attitude, focus, spirit and energy they bring to the process. In this fashion, whether they reach the originally desired outcome or not, they can say they have enjoyed the journey. 

3. The third point I want to share with you is that of living your life’s Mission. Richard Bolles, author of the job seeker & career changer’s bible, What Color Is Your Parachute, implores us to cultivate a mission in life which goes beyond just a job or a career plan, or the acquisition of material possessions and status. He suggests that key clues to one’s mission can be found in exploring one’s 1) talent of delight, 2) places & settings which appeal to them and 3) purposes, ways to improve the world, which resonate with them. You will be tempted and certainly have periods in your career where you lose your connection to mission, and may even have to remake your mission. This is to be expected. That being as it is, I beg you to seek reconnection for such reconnection is a high levee against the flood of despair, cynicism, discouragement and bitterness that you will see too much of in your work life. While this may be true of others, work to avoid it being true of you.

4. A fourth and final insight I want to share is related to that of Community for while you can make it you cannot make it alone. Contrary to the American myth of rugged individualism, there truly are no self-made successes, though I imagine there are many failures who attempted to be "self-made". Always remember that you are part of a rich and vibrant global community of creatives. This community started in the design environments and programs who experienced before MIU, then here in the classrooms and studios of MIU and now on to the agencies, consultancies, practices and companies where you will further sharpen your respective gifts and grow your legacy in the world. This community needs your fresh ideas, energy and perspective, even though they may not always be willing to admit it. This community is here to welcome and encourage your growth and contribution in it. Be willing and committed to being a part of this community as life-long learners and contributors, and eventually as leaders and mentors, for we are taken care of as we take care of one another.


So remember: 1) Patient Persistence, 2) Passionate Detachment, 3) Life’s Mission, and 4) Community. As you are true to these, they will be true to you.

You are blessed to be coming out of school into a global economy where design continues to be on the ascendancy and more important, available and valuable than ever. Design is capable of truly impacting the world’s intractable problems and ungrasped opportunities from poverty and hunger, to improved relations among people and peoples, to healthcare, to education, to spirituality, to increased productivity in our work and play. Design is solving these problems and capitalizing on these opportunities, and you are the latest generation of carriers and practitioners of this brilliant expertise. Do not forsake its power in your hands to shape and change the world on every level from idea, to belief, to feeling, to action. Take this responsibility seriously and carry it out faithfully. The world depends on it!

Thank you for your time and attention this afternoon. Congratulations again to you all! May you enjoy every challenge and success your life has for you, and may we all benefit from your contribution and gift in the world. 



Salu!

Every Annoyance, A Button & A Projection (And Every Pleasure also)

Recently, at Coaching School, I learned a powerful mind trick which  (figuratively) changed the color of the sky for me! The trick is around the idea of perceptual projections and taking responsibility. I will not explain this perfectly but let's give it a go. 

We all have our buttons. Our ways of believing, assuming and interpreting which cause us to be annoyed or pleased by things which happen in life. So much of life's angst and compulsion, whether over things we avoid for annoyance or pursue for pleasure, is exasperated by our lack of consciousness around how, when & why our buttons are pushed. With consciousness, we can reduce the dominance of our buttons so that we can recover more astutely, proact (versus react) more wisely and generally improve our quality of relationships (with ourselves and others), work and life. 

We all have our projections. Our life experiences, and habits of perceiving and thinking cause us to see what we are looking for rather than what is there. We get emails and hear emotions in words, that are not there. We see body language and jump to defensive conclusions about what people are meaning, thinking, feeling, which may not be true. Requests are made of us and we hear and see threats that on further reflection do not exist at the level of threat we originally perceived. Situations occur which are different than our plans and we assume malice in the forces of change which is often not really there. Pleasurable & satisfying experiences are experienced and we too mindlessly and habitually pursue them as comfort & soothing mechanisms when it might be better to address sources of our discomfort in more sustainable and productive ways. So much of life's angst and compulsion is fueled by our projections on situations and people, which if seen as projections (not necessarily reality) would free us to be more positive, resilient, energized and influential.

What I learned was that the vast majority (I am not ready to admit to all) of my annoyances (and pleasures) are my projections, and that because they are my own creations, I can take responsibility for what I create and how I respond to those creations. I can take responsibility rather than blaming, being angry with or annoyed by with others, or on the other hand, being co-dependent and addicted to the liking and approval of others. 

As I increase my "projection consciousness" and my willingness to take responsibility for them, the complexion of the world truly changes. I can then see that my annoyance at unreasonable requests is a projection of my fear of failure when put in a time or resource bind. I can see that my anger over others disagreeing with me, either in word or body language, is a projection of my insecurity over being liked and approved of. I can see that when someone does not keep their promise to me and I become aggressive and interrogative, this is a projection of my need for control and my tendency to distrust those things that threaten my sense of control. I can see that when I elect to socialize on FaceBook for an hour too long rather than work on my book manuscript, this is a projection of my desire for comfort against my fear of being rejected as an author. 

With these and myriad other "projection realizations", I overreact less, approach myself, others and situations with more composure and compassion, and engage more mindfully to enable more productive process and outcomes in every area of my life, as well as the lives of those I interact with. These realizations also challenge me to ponder what my projections say about me. They also call me to take responsibility for my being, believing, feeling, thinking and doing at an entirely higher level. I am convinced this is an essence of maturity.

I have to tell you that this has been such a magnificent breakthrough for me, but challenging also as taking responsibility for my own projections is so much more difficult than situational mindlessness or blaming others for pushing my buttons & projections. The fact is that no one or situation can push a button that is not available to be pushed. Another fact is that our projections, left in the field of unconsciousness, are ruthless masters that drive us in ways we know not but they can, with consciousness, be converted to productive servants. 

May we all increase our "projection consciousness" and reduce our "buttons" so we can be more productive and response-able in how we go about our work and lives.